Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Quick Update: 20???

I feel like such a failure when it comes to updating this blog. *facepalm* My life has been a bit of a crazy last couple months between school, homework, and work (and don't even mention my social life or my obsession over new TV shows or Lord of the Rings [it's all just so beautiful :')])

But I recently discovered a friend of mine has started a blog this year, and it motivated me and inspired me to mayyyybee post more. And to do more than the occasional book review (when I get the chance away from my piles of textbooks to peek into the pages of a good novel) and maybe post a bit of writing. I've been writing every day since the start of the new year. 500 words by hand and a poem thrown in. Chaos everywhere. But at least I'm writing (it's hard to write by hand because I have to sit down and physically take the time to do it instead of typing up something real quick as I watch this or that show, listen to this song, and message this or that person). Challenging but definitely something worth doing.

So here's a hip-hip-hooray (!) to  me trying to do more. At least once a week, if not more. I'll have to set aside time to do so, cut something out or rearrange. (who needs sleep? just kidding. I do or I turn into a messy-haired monster.)

To begin, I want to talk about a recent event. I turned 20. The big 2-0. The big jump from being a teenager to a 20-something. Wow. Talk about chaos and challenges and craziness. I can now say the problem with this world is teenagers, eh? xD

The night before (okay so maybe like 1/2 hour before) the clock struck midnight on my birthday, I wrote a bit about how I was feeling. I'd like to share that with you now. And maybe as I being this new decade of my life, I can explore what I've thought about turning 20 and find out if any of it rings true.

"Am I supposed to feel any different when the clock strikes twelve and I magically go from a teenager to a 20-something year old? I would really like to know before it happens. Time to prepare? Late and procrastinating as usual. Oh, they joys of my life. But in reality, can I prepare? Twenty! It feels so far away, yet not at all. I mean, my parents have no teenagers left. Weird. I"m not a kid any more (technically haven't been for two years). But I still feel like a kid. Maybe I always will. Maybe I always want to.

I suppose it's just weird because I don't feel grown-up. Twenty feels grown-up (even though it's not). Maybe it's the way little kids look at you when you say you're 20. I mean, isn't that so old? Whoa? You're so big! And maybe I'm okay with that because let's be honest--kids are cute. And they say the funniest things. The innocence of childhood. Wow, I feel old thinking about those kids. I remember them being born. I can hardly imagine them my age. How much change will they go through?

Which takes me back to me and my being twenty. How much change have I gone through? Am I any resemblance of that shy, little girl who read every book in sight. If people saw me then, would they recognize me now? So, Miss I-am-twenty-now, who are you really? And more importantly, who are you going to be?"

With that question lingering, I do wonder what the future holds. I guess I will find out.

So here's my plea. (I know I've done this a few times since this blog was born) I want to keep blogging, not for an audience, not for comments, not for admiration of any time. For me. For my thoughts. For my own special  corner in the universe called the Internet. So here's to starting over again. Starting new and hopefully giving it all I have. Will you join me on my adventures?

-Jaguar Hero!

P.S. I meant to go into more about my special day turning 20 and what it entailed (which amounted to a number of child-like activities :P) but this post was long enough. Perhaps, I will post later about it. Please feel free to give suggestions of things you want to know about me!

My tumblr blogs: main blog, writing blog. (this is where so much time is sucked away, but I'm limiting myself and even thinking about cold turkey from social media, aside from email and this blog)


  1. Yes, Jaime. I wonder if I'll ever feel grown-up too! However, I think certain aspects of childhood thought and nature are supposed to stick with us. God made us that way I'd argue. ;))

    1. Yes! I think God created us that way too! :)

  2. This is fantastic! Can't wait to hear more :)